Travelife Magazine columnist DONDI JOSEPH celebrates life and death in New Orleans, a place he fondly refers to as Sin City.

“Between a shitload and barrel,” answered Louis, with a touch of sarcasm.

I had asked him how many fresh oysters he shucked every day, and immediately afterwards, I’d realized, “Gawd! What a stupid way to ask an important question!”

I sounded just like the patronizing tourists who ask the guys at Felix, a favorite local haunt, that same unoriginal question 5,000 times every day. Putting embarrassment aside, I then asked if I could take his photo.

UNEXPECTED RESPONSE IN SIN CITY

He suddenly turned, and with a serious look, answered, “When you take a picture of a black man, you need to turn on all the lights!” And then he grinned widely. It was so unexpected and so politically incorrect that I just laughed.

The ice broken, I happily ordered my second glass of sparkling wine with a dozen fresh oysters and a dozen chargrilled ones.

BIRTHPLACE OF JAZZ

I was in the infamous French Quarter of New Orleans, Louisiana. This is also known as “NOLA” for short. Or more popularly as “The Big Easy,” and chargrilled oysters are a NOLA culinary delight.

Many NOLA places serve decent versions of this, but not many serve them with the richness and flavors of Felix.

THE CHARGRILLED OYSTERS AT FELIX

The oysters at Felix are plump, juicy and layered with melted Gruyere and Parmesan cheeses. It also has sea salt and garlic parsley butter.

The restaurant itself was easy to find. I simply googled for the “best oyster bars in New Orleans” and Felix was one of the top choices.

Aside from the great food, NOLA lives and breathes world-class music of outstanding quality. It is, after all, the “Home of Jazz and the Blues.”  So music is all over the place, in every nook and cranny.

A WONDERFUL START

On my first morning, I stepped into the lovely courtyard of my B&B, the Old World-style Creole Gardens Guesthouse and Inn. There was jazz playing on speakers throughout the courtyard. It was real mainstream stuff — the kind I enjoy.

“Nice touch,” I said to myself as the music followed me into the dining room. Here, sunlight filtering through the white lace curtains added a warm glow to the pastel yellow walls.

I sat next to the grand piano. This is where I sipped my coffee while waiting for my breakfast of spicy Cajun sausages, fried eggs, and corn grits. The buzz of the small, friendly crowd was pleasing and I began to feel at home.

The jazz continued to play, punctuated by applause. Eventually it became clear that it was a live broadcast from the morning session of the world-famous New Orleans Jazz Festival, on the second day of its first weekend.

THE NOLA WEEKEND

I almost jumped out of my seat! The jazz festival immediately went on my priority “must do” NOLA weekend to-do list. I went to the jazz festival for a few hours the very next dat and walked away a happy, smiling man. I had touched music heaven.

ABOUT THE BIG EASY

The Big Easy is a gumbo of cultures, but its French legacy lives on with a pride that seeps out from under NOLA’s blanket of Americana. It is visibly the most Catholic city in the United States.

However, it is also one of its most decadent cities. It is a good-time destination, a crazy, fun mix of culture, food, history and trashy tourism.

Voodoo is considered a formal religion which was adopted into the Catholic faith as a tool for the conversion of locals into the Church. It continues to live on and is inexorably mixed into the locals’ religious practice, where saints are venerated side-by-side with gris-gris dolls, gods, and artifacts.

NEW ORLEANS: A GHOST TOWN

But apart from New Orleans’ never-ending hustle and its layered history and traditions, and beneath the beautiful iron and flower-laced galleries and the balconies of the mansions and homes in the French Quarter and Garden District, lies the macabre.

New Orleans is considered the most haunted place in the world, where hundreds of thousands died violently as a result of conquest, disease, war, raging catastrophic fires, floods and hurricanes. And, yes, murder.

HOW TO SPOT A HAUNTED BUILDING

Local experts say it’s not a question of which buildings are haunted, but a question of which are not. In an even more macabre twist, NOLA’s past history is filled with tales of serial killers of amazing strength and cruelty. These are the types who would strip the skin off their victims and drink their blood.

Many of the rescued survivors of these killers reportedly then turned into serial killers. These perpetuated the vampire legend, and eventually these became models for The Vampire Chronicles by Anne Rice and Charlene Harris’s Louisiana-based novels published under the label Sookie Stackhouse/True Blood.

Watch out for the next section on the visit of Travelife Magazine columnist Dondi Joseph to New Orleans. In the meantime, read more about traveling to New Orleans in Travelife Magazine.

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I had decided on the spur of the moment to go back to Vietnam to eat my way through Saigon. It was hot and sultry in late August, and I was in a state of constant dripping-dampness. It was a tad bothersome, but what the heck, we eat humidity for breakfast in the Philippines.

The flavours of Vietnam

As humid as Vietnam is at this time of the year, the food and flavors are always fresh everywhere you eat. Vietnam is a great Asian street food country in the vein of Taiwan, Singapore, and Thailand. 

In fact, I think Vietnamese cuisine is all about street food, the only difference being the relative comfort and price of the eating venues you choose.

Where to eat street food in Saigon

You could be in a relatively expensive air-conditioned Brad Pitt-frequented restaurant; or you could be on sidewalks or in markets, standing or seated on low colored plastic chairs or folding metal stools, spending mere shekels for a thoroughly satisfying meal.

Yes, they do have Western restaurants and fast food joints in Saigon, but these would be an absolute waste of calorie-count unless you are in desperate need of a pizza or mediocre French food.

When in Vietnam on a food trip, you must eat as the Vietnamese do. You will not go wrong with the multitude of freshly-cooked seafood, grilled chicken or pork, meat-laced pho, or sun-ripened fruits and farm-fresh
vegetables, all of which are outstanding.

BEST STREET FOOD PLACES IN SAIGON

• Ben Thanh Market
• Binh Tay Market
• Banh Xeo 46A
• Phan Van Han Street
• Vin Khanh Street
• Quan Thuy

Conscious of time but not of our waistlines, we made it a point to stop anywhere the food smelled and looked good: sidewalk vendors with food carts or baskets, any kind of market, and of course, night markets, food streets, and restaurants.

Lucky for us, every place we tasted was worth discovering. Read more about traveling around Vietnam in Travelife Magazine.

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We were in the Okavango Delta of Botswana for a nine-night 4×4 camping safari that would take us through four campsites till we reached the border of Zambia. Our campsite was secluded, with the nearest safari neighbors over a kilometer away. The camp did not have a fence or electric barriers – just trees, bushes, and through the clearings, the vast sky of Africa. 

As we drove into the camp, after a safari drive from the town of Maun in Botswana, we saw a herd of impala settling for the night, about 30 meters away from our tents. Intermingled with the impala was a congress of baboons. Apparently, the members of congress wasted no time coming into camp to steal whatever they could.

HANGING OUT WITH HYENAS

I walked 10 meters to the open-air tent in Botswana. Then I scanned the small square space for scorpions, spiders, and other things that crawl in the night. I didn’t zip the tent yet – I wanted to see what was out there. The bugs began swarming to my little light, so I reluctantly switched it off.

It was almost pitch black except for the dim glow cast by the electric lantern and the stars glittering through the canopy of tree branches. The bugs quickly disappeared. It was quiet – except for the constant scurrying, buzzing, flapping, clicking, chirping, and snorting of the African night.

“Wooooo-huup!”

I woke up to the racket of frogs and crickets. When I looked out of my tent I saw the sky lightening. Then I heard the distant whoop of a hyena and the barking grunt of what I took to be a lion.

The sharply ascending whoop was followed by another three-second “wooooo-huup!” It was a hyena and it sounded closer than it did half an hour ago. The whoops began before sunset and were quickly getting louder, which meant that the hyena was approaching our area. It whooped again.

There was another loud whoop but this time from another direction – clearly a different hyena. As exciting as it was, I began to feel a bit vulnerable, so ready or not, I went back to my tent. I came on this safari in Botswana to photograph wild animals, not to get mangled by one.

A TWO-STAR CAMPING SAFARI IN BOTSWANA

We were two-star safari camping in Botswana. This meant that we had decent-sized tents with space for our bags, and narrow but comfortable cots with mattresses and pillows. We had two open-air bushy-bushy tents and one open shower tent. Water for showers was rationed carefully and we were limited to one drip shower of about 5 or 6 liters a day per person. Additionally, we also had an open-sided dining tent which was the camp’s social center.

“An African safari by day is video and by night is stereo. Never go out of your tent at night unless you really have to and never if you hear or see animals.”

Consequently this meant that we didn’t have to worry about setting up or breaking camp. Aside from Frank our guide, we had a hardworking two-man crew (our happy camp manager and our excellent camp chef ). They saw to it that the camp was always ready when we arrived from our daily safari drives. We did not have air-conditioning, electric fans, a generator, or guns – which were not allowed in Botswana.

AFRICAN SAFARI BY DAY & BY NIGHT

“An African safari by day is video and by night is stereo,” said Frank. “Never go out of your tent at night, unless you really have to and never if you hear or see animals,” he emphasized. “Just listen quietly from your tent and enjoy the wild African nightlife in surround stereo. That’s a night safari.”

Back in the relative safety of my tent, I was having a hard time sleeping. The audio safari was picking up intensity so the urge to leave the tent to see wildlife or to sit under the African sky was strong. I tried peering through the mesh of the tent, but everything was fuzzy. And so I reluctantly lay back and listened to the night.

“We are safe in our tents,” said Frank. “African predators are not curious about solid shapes like tents or vehicles, and as long as you don’t stand out, they will not be curious about you. They are not interested in the smell of humans.” 

“Animals will come into the camp but as long as you are not moving or standing, or sticking out like a sore thumb, they will not be attracted to you,” said Frank.“The animals will not care about you if you are still and quiet. They were not taught to hunt humans by their mothers.”

HEART-STOPPING CLOSE CALLS

I could hear more hyena whoops, scurrying, grunts, snorts, night calls, flapping, and now, occasional shrieks and barks at a distinctly higher intensity. I peeked through the mesh and saw one of the camp members looking out of his tent, scanning the area with his powerful flashlight.

The team was obviously alert and it wasn’t till the next morning – after all hell had broken loose – that they told us their concerns about the hyenas. They suspected the hyenas we heard at sunset were approaching our camping area.

The flashlight seemed to calm things down and the night chatter toned down. I tried to sleep but I was too jetlagged, restless, and by now, excited.

Something big was slithering on the ground near my tent. Holy whooping hyena! That one was just a few meters away and the whoops were urgent and close. The bush was alive with animal scurrying and cries, and our camp was awake.

EXCITEMENT IN EVERY HOUR

12:52 AM. I needed to go badly so I unzipped the tent, scanning the tree line with my puny flashlight. After I zipped up, stepped back into the tent, and lay down. Within minutes, the hoof steps were back and within meters from our tent. Then I began hearing crackling leaves, snuffling, and bleating. And so I peered through the mesh, but all I could see were shadows.

12:58 AM. It sounded like something big was slithering on the ground near my tent. Holy whooping hyena! That one was just a few meters away and the whoops were urgent and close. The bush was alive with animal scurrying and cries, and our camp was awake. Then I looked through the mesh and vaguely saw the crew scanning the camp grounds with their flashlights.

1:01 AM. The bush was in chaos. The herd of impala was restless and alarmed, the monkeys shrieking, and baboons barking. Suddenly, something large was beside my tent, literally a few feet away from me.

Then I looked outside the mesh and saw two large dog-like shapes running across the camp. But one of them paused close to the camp fire, silhouetted by the glowing embers, before moving to the camp perimeter. As a result, there were more whoops, barks, and growls as the noises rose to pandemonium.

1:17 AM. After over 15 minutes, the bush settled down and the fading whoops of the hyena receded. I was totally excited and amped with adrenaline. After a few exhilarated moments, 20-20 hindsight suddenly hit like a hammer. Three to four minutes ago, I was standing peacefully outside my tent doing my thing and star-gazing.

BREAK OF DAWN

4:24 AM. I woke up to the racket of frogs and crickets. When I looked out of my tent I saw the sky lightening. Then I heard the distant whoop of a hyena and the barking grunt of what I took to be a lion. Bird calls were slowly filling the air. It would be sunrise soon, my first sunrise in the bush, in wild Botswana, and I didn’t want to miss it.

5:23 AM. The wildlife action continued. I heard shouts from the dining tent. Someone was chasing a member of congress from the dining tent after another successful thievery, this time carrying away our morning serving of bananas.

And so it was hard not to eagerly jump out of my cot before dawn every day. We were in the heart of Africa. In the middle of nowhere, wildlife surrounded us, and every morning began with a clear sense of impending adventure. Pure, wild nature – there was nothing more deserving of reverence, and nothing more exhilarating. 

Read more about safaris in Africa in Travelife Magazine.

Photographs taken by Dondi Joseph

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This post is the second part of an article that discusses prostitution in Amsterdam and about how to buy marijuana at coffee shops in the Red Light District. It originally appeared as a column written by columnist Dondi Joseph for Travelife Magazine. Click here to read the first section.

Prostitution is one of the oldest trades in history. In Amsterdam it began in the 1200s when it was just a bustling fishing port. And wherever there is a bustling port, there are plenty of ships and buckets of seamen (no pun intended) in need of wellness therapy, waiting to spill onto the docks in search of beer, song, and women of character.

Interestingly, there are three surviving former Catholic churches built within the Red Light District. The the oldest of these churches dates back to the 1200s. This is about the same time prostitution began there.

SAILORS IN AMSTERDAM

But there were many more churches and monasteries in and around the area. Locals say that the proliferation of churches in this one hectare corner of the globe is due to the fact that sailors needed churches for spiritual succor after sexual succor, guaranteeing that if the worse happens, the hopeful sailors still went to heaven. The chances of a sailor surviving his next voyage were about 50%, after all.

THE CYCLE OF SIN

The symbiotic relationship created the opportunity for the Church to introduce a new business model in the 1500s. This was called the sin tax.

In the old days, the Church granted “indulgences” for the forgiveness of sins in return for monetary donations. Seamen paid sin tax to priests who manned the churches 24/7 in return for indulgences for sins about to be committed (in the District) before sailing. Or for sins already committed (in the District) before sailing.

DAYS OF SIN

So sinning happily continued. Meanwhile, the churches flourished and the sinners marched happily, if not steadily, onto their ships for sea voyages that were sometimes eternal.

The business model apparently worked well for all stakeholders. This establishing a sacred cycle of sin, forgiveness, and wealth generation for over four centuries. But these same indulgences eventually led to the Protestant Reformation. This then led to numerous bloody religious wars and pogroms by everyone’s followers.

But when it came to the practice of vice, including prostitution, the two sects and their numerous subgroups distinguished themselves equally.

SFW (SAFE FOR WORK)

The average time a customer spends with a professional sex worker is all of six minutes, and the wet dream fulfilled will cost between 80 to 200 euros.

In the District and in the Netherlands, everyone’s preferences are accepted and even encouraged. I assume this continues on the assumption that these add to the National Happiness Index and no one is hurt.

LEGALIZED PROSTITUTION

Prostitution in the Netherlands is a strictly regulated industry. The country is very strict about women’s rights, exploitation of women, and white slavery. A few years back, the government considered a move to re-criminalize prostitution. However, they concluded that this would just force prostitution underground and back into the hands of pimps and criminal syndicates.

Prostitution was legalized in 2000 to end human trafficking and to protect women in the profession. The average sex worker assists society 16 times during every 10-hour shift.

So you are looking at gross revenues of around 1,000 to 2,000 euros a day. The current record is 120 “wellness interventions” in one day. Again, this makes me think that I may really be in the wrong business.

BUYING MARIJUANA AT COFFEE SHOPS IN AMSTERDAM

On a lighter note, marijuana is another main feature of the Red Light District. You can find these in coffee shops. Please note that the coffee shops in this area do not serve coffee or alcohol. That privilege is reserved for the lowly cafes and bars.

The coffee shops and cafes in the District serve one thing only – cannabis, also known as marijuana. And of course, they serve it in all the possible varieties from around the world. You go to coffee shops to smoke weed. And to giggle.

Ironically, the Dutch government prohibits the production or distribution of cannabis. However, it is tolerated for personal use. Everyone can grow up to four marijuana plants at home and carry five grams for personal use. Meanwhile, coffee shops can serve clients who are keen on buying marijuana for personal use. It’s a confusing set of laws but it works – at a price.

Click here to read more about the Red Light District of Amsterdam

TAXES ON COFFEE SHOPS IN AMSTERDAM

The coffee shops cater to clients who wish to buy marijuana and they pay high taxes in exchange. They pay 58% versus 21% for ordinary bars. The government then uses part of the tax proceeds for the country’s anti-drug efforts. And the Netherlands, one of the few countries in the world that is tolerant of cannabis, ranks only 20th globally in the use of marijuana.

According to my sources, Bulldog is the oldest coffee shop in the Red Light District, but Feels Good wins top honors for its diverse selection for clients buying marijuana and ambiance.

SMART SHOPS GO ONE STEP FURTHER THAN MARIJUANA

Smart Shops are even more interesting. 18 Smart Shops in the District sell and serve over 2,000 natural and organic drugs. They sell drugs made from mescaline, peyote, and magic mushrooms, among others.

Most of these drugs are hallucinogenic. The shops do not sell to drunks, and some provide comfortable lounging rooms with “psychedelic trip guides” to lead you into and through a pleasant hallucinatory experience. It’s all so civilized.

Read more about the Red Light District of Amsterdam in Travelife Magazine.

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The Red Light District of Amsterdam, the largest city in the Netherlands, is busy, colorful, and completely entertaining. It’s probably the only place in the world where you will find a kindergarten school beside a brothel, a church, a coffee shop, a bar, or a cafe.

I love the culture of inclusion and tolerance in the Netherlands. It’s a culture that believes that repressing sexuality is unhealthy. So the National Health Service of the Netherlands provides sex workers to qualified citizens in need of “wellness” therapy.

WELLNESS THERAPY IN THE NETHERLANDS

The standards for qualification are actually subject to strict criteria which will obviously not apply to an over testosterone man in need of free pipe cleaning.

I totally enjoy Amsterdam’s world famous Red Light District, surprisingly described to me recently by a friend as “a chill place to spend two days with my wife.” While I haven’t met his wife, I always thought of the District as a place where you would be better off bringing other people’s wives.

ANONYMITY IN THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT OF AMSTERDAM

You may have guessed by now that with its kindergartens and day care centers, the Red Light District is in a residential area of Amsterdam. It’s a residential area with 250 prostitute display windows, fetish shops, sex toy shops, live sex shows and cannabis seed shops.

It’s also got smart shops that sell quasi legal organic and natural recreational drugs, clothes stores, and restaurants. And it’s safe, prowled by the undercover police of Amsterdam and watched over by 300 CCTV cameras.

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD

The idea of police and cameras is kind of kinky, but it could be kinkier if they wore their uniforms Yes, the District is alive and heaving with humanity and entertainment, manufactured or otherwise.

WHERE TO GO IN THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT

Sex Palace, the last peep show establishment in the District, attracts just as many visitors as the Anne Frank Museum. That’s one million people paying 45 euros each for a peep.

And then there is the Banana Bar (you can guess what goes on inside this reputable establishment) where, according to the Forbes List, the owner is one of the 250 wealthiest persons in the world. Doesn’t this make you feel like you are in the wrong business?

Meanwhile the Condomerie features a thousand condom choices in all shapes, forms, colors, tastes, and in all sizes. Some were way too small for me and too many were way too large.

For something saner, there is the oldest gay café named tMadje. Everyone is welcome but asked to be respectful. Its original owner hid Jews from the Nazis throughout World War II. It was known as the “little house of resistance.” In 2008, her niece took over and continued her legacy of excellent coffee and resistance to intolerance

PSYCHEDELIC PARTIES

Pre-marital stag parties abound in the District, and for that matter so do “hen” parties. Every time I visited the District to conduct sociological surveys, there were any number of both types of parties populated by costumed celebrants, carousing till they could carouse no longer.

In fact, drunken tourists falling into Amsterdam’s celebrated canals are the biggest cause of death in the Netherlands. The only things that fall into the canal more than tourists are bicycles, and 15,000 are fished out every year. The canals are three meters deep: one meter of mud, one meter of water, and one meter of bicycles.

Click here to continue.

Read more about the the Red Light District of Amsterdam in Travelife Magazine.

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