Sunday, September 8, 2013

What to do when he doesn't call back



The other day I had lunch with an old friend.

The first thing she said when we sat down was this: "I read your blog the other day and it's really true. We're always saying how we women are so independent, and we don't need guys to make our lives better. But actually we really need guys. They do make our lives better."

"I actually didn't say that," I replied. "Someone else did, and I just quoted her."


She shrugged. "Whatever," she said. "But anyway, it's really true. I need a guy."

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WHAT TO DO WHEN HE DOESN'T CALL BACK

Then she added: "In fact, I'm dying, because this guy won't call me back. What do I do?"

I've heard this lots of times from girls before.

And each time someone asks me for advice on something like this, I always say the same thing: "Do nothing, please."

In this case, apparently they'd had four or five dinner dates and everything had been fine. He'd called her everyday and had long, flirty conversations.

She was just about to start writing out L-O-V-E in her diary, when he disappeared into thin air.




THREE SIMPLE REASONS FOR GUYS NOT CALLING BACK

And just like everyone else before her, this friend replied with a mixture of shock and horror, when I told her to "do nothing."

"What? Do nothing? Absolutely nothing?" She exclaimed.

I nodded. I hate to have to break the bad news to my friends, but it's always got to be done.




I said: "Life's not that complicated. He's not calling you because he's either playing mind games or else he's a serial flirt who's just after the thrill of a chase. Or he's very busy or you're just too low on his priority list."

She looked so unhappy. Obviously, she didn't like the sound of this.

I continued: "If he's just a serial flirt or if he's playing mind games with you, you're better off without him, even if you so don't think so now."

Then I added: "If he's just busy, then he'll probably call you when he frees up. And if you're low on the priority list, there's nothing you can really do about that."

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HOW TO MAKE HIM CHANGE HIS MIND

She asked: "Can't I call him myself and make him change his mind?"

I never usually advise my friends to do this.

She took out her mobile phone, got his number out on her directory so it was in my full view, and said: "What's wrong with my calling him? I so want to hear his voice. In fact, I'm dying to hear his voice."

If a girl is determined to call a guy, what's the use of stopping her?

So I sighed and said: "If it'll make you feel better or give you peace of mind, then go ahead and call him. But please remember that I usually tell my friends to avoid calling the guy, even if they want to. And to sit on their hands or throw their mobile phones away if they have to."



Or better yet, do something productive, work harder, or go out and have some fun.

In other words, to get a life and to stop thinking about him. Because he's obviously not thinking about you, either.

2013 ISN'T THE VICTORIAN AGE



Thankfully, this friend put her phone away.

While she was doing so, she asked: "What's wrong with calling a guy anyway? It's 2013, not the Victorian age."

I had to agree. It is the modern age. But some things just don't change.

So I replied, careful not to hurt her feelings: "Guys who need you to remind them of your existence should be put on the back burner. If they wake up one day realizing how fantastic you are and start calling you again, that's wonderful. But if you actually need to convince him how great you are, that's not really a good deal for you. Someone who doesn't focus on you shouldn't be the focus of your attentions."

She paused for a few minutes to digest what this meant. Then, finally, she said: "That bad, huh?"

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THE REALITY OF LIFE

I shrugged and said: "It's not bad. It's just reality."

Then I continued: "You can't force people to like you or to call you. They either feel enough for you to continue the contact, or they don't. And if they don't, there'll be someone else who will..."

And that's how another interesting lunch ended, in my never-ending, and never-endingly eventful Travelife.




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