Wednesday, April 10, 2013

A very long dinner and an equally long dissertation on narcissism



Last night, I had a very long and enjoyable dinner with my old school friend D.

We hadn't seen each other in a couple of weeks as I'd been away in India, and the other night she'd texted, suggesting dinner.

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We started having these one-on-one dinners early in the year, and now we do them every few weeks. I really enjoy these times too, as these are opportunities to chill and relax -- although I usually end up with way too little sleep as we always end our dinners very late.

We have a private joke, and this has now become the reason for dinner on many occasions. This time, I think she'd sent me a message that went something like this: "Let's get together for dinner this week and talk about narcissists again."

The last time we'd done this, you see, I think we'd stayed up till 3 AM.



A NICE CHANGE FROM A TRAVELIFE

It's an interesting topic, as well as a nice diversion every so often from a Travelife, to discuss the narcissists we know.

In fact, last night, we'd mentally set two places instead of the usual one, for the two narcissists up for discussion.



We talked about a whole lot of things over dinner for five hours or so, but it seems we just couldn't help going back to this topic every so often.

And it was really funny, because she'd look at the seats across the table from us everytime she mentioned two people we knew -- as if they were seated across us at dinner.



MISUNDERSTOOD BY MOST

So few people really understand narcissists. But, for some reason, I can certainly write an entire dissertation on this topic.

Narcissists are actually nice people, but they just can't think or act like everyone else. The reason why many people get upset with them is because they expect narcissists to act or react like them. But they really can't because they're hardwired very differently.


ALIENS WITH A DIFFERENT CULTURE



It's almost better to think of them as foreigners with a completely alien culture to your own, if you're going to deal with one. They can't think of anyone else, and they look at every single thing only in the context of how it's related to them.

This can be maddening for many people, as narcissists come across as incredibly selfish. And a couple of times, it's just plain sad. You want to be closer to them, and it'll just never happen unless you're a martyr who's okay with one-way relationships.

IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT



Most of the time, being a narcissist isn't their fault -- which is why I try not to judge them too harshly. Something happened to them as children to make them into narcissists.

Is narcissism curable? Unfortunately, it isn't curable most of the time. There have been cases of narcissists improving after life-changing experiences, but I wouldn't hold my breath on this one, if I were you.

TEMPORARY HAPPINESS

As I said to my friend yesterday: Just enjoy their company for the fleeting moments when they're around, and then don't think about them when they're not.

And with that, another day ended way past midnight, in my never-ending and never-endingly eventful Travelife.





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